Dealing with differing opinions on childcare, especially from mothers and mothers-in-law, can be challenging for new moms. While our mothers have the ability to learn and unlearn, one important foundation to consider is the nature of your relationship with them before now. This can shape how they engage with your parenting choices.
Here are some strategies to help navigate these conversations while maintaining respect and understanding:
Start by acknowledging that your mother and mother-in-law have valuable experiences. Show appreciation for the efforts they've made in raising you or your partner.
“I really appreciate all the wisdom and experience you have from raising children. It’s inspiring!” But why not let us see other methods of doing things too?
Be clear about the parenting choices you’ve made and why. This could be influenced by recent research, your child's specific needs, or your family’s values.
“I’ve read a lot about this approach, and I think it really fits with what I believe is best for my child.”
It's important to set boundaries around what you're comfortable with in childcare. Use ‘I’ statements to express yourself without sounding accusatory.
“I know you did things differently, but I would appreciate it if you could support the methods I am choosing to use.”
If appropriate, share helpful materials like articles or videos to provide context for your choices.
“I found this article or video on modern parenting techniques that I think explains my approach well. I’d love for you to take a look!” Sometimes, videos help a lot.
Try to identify shared values in your parenting approaches. This can create unity and reduce conflict.
“We both want what’s best for the baby, and I think we can both agree that a loving environment is key!” Both of you should model this together.
Include your mother or mother-in-law in activities that align with your parenting style. This fosters respect and collaboration.
“Would you like to help with bath time? I know you have some great techniques I’d like to learn!”
Old habits can be hard to change. Allow time for adjustment and offer grace as they adapt.
“I know this is different from what you’re used to, and I appreciate your willingness to consider it.”
Keep a calm and confident tone during discussions. Your conviction can encourage trust in your choices.
“I feel really good about this choice, and I’m excited to tell you how it’s going!”
If conversations become heated or unproductive, it’s okay to pause or switch topics for your peace of mind.
“I think we may need to agree to disagree on this one for now.”
Make sure your partner is aligned with your choices and steps in to support you, especially if it's their mom involved.
“My partner and I have talked about this, and we both feel it’s best to approach it this way.”
It’s important that your husband has an open and respectful conversation with his mom. Teamwork between both of you is key.